How to ruin a perfectly good mood

After getting the kids to bed and the dishwasher started, I dashed off to that mecca of consumerism, Target. It was my first trip to target in a while and I clenched my short list in my fist the whole time, trying to ground myself and stay focused. I was a deer in headlights. The store is gargantuan, just huge, and I felt lost and totally overwhelmed. I know, pathetic, aren't I??

Well, it took me an hour to get the 5 things on my list, and I made many side trips down this or that random aisle in search of things. Target is arranged in a way that makes no sense to me. What should have been a simple, straightforward errand was a huge time-sucker and an instant headache. I couldn't find what I needed. There was too much else to look at. I didn't know where anything was, and I kept getting distracted. Plus, there was just too much ground to cover. I had to trek through the entirety of the store and through the grocery area, to get to the pharmacy for a box of friggin' band-aids.

In addition to the aggravation brought on by the sheer size of the store, -and this, I think, is why I got so crabby--I got totally frustrated with myself at the "wants" that kept popping up. If I were a cartoon character, there would have been a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, nudging me along as I shopped. "Did you see that cute swimsuit?" "Look at the kid-sized wheelbarrow! We NEED that!" No, no, no, I kept telling myself. We really don't need brightly colored plastic gardening toys or another cute sunhat for Lucy or a swimsuit for me....um, no. It seemed, down every aisle was something I wanted to buy, something I had to work to talk myself out of. It was absurd. Some were items I would have bought in a heartbeat "before" we started the compact, and others are things I wouldn't have looked twice at. A new, shiny aluminum green coffee cup! An adorable lamp that would fit perfectly in the bedroom! Rustic storage baskets for the kids toys! Stickers! It surprised and aggravated me that there were so many things I wanted to buy. I seriously felt like I was going to scream if I couldn't just buy....something. I wanted stuff, man.

Here I thought I could just go in, get the stuff, and get out, but instead I found myself totally consumed (no pun intended) by this mentally exhausting exercise in self-restraint. Happily, I didn't cave. It took me until today to shake the creepy feeling of -what is it? Desire for unnecessary stuff? I don't know what to call it. But it was totally unexpected, and it freaked me out a little bit.