How to ruin a perfectly good mood

After getting the kids to bed and the dishwasher started, I dashed off to that mecca of consumerism, Target. It was my first trip to target in a while and I clenched my short list in my fist the whole time, trying to ground myself and stay focused. I was a deer in headlights. The store is gargantuan, just huge, and I felt lost and totally overwhelmed. I know, pathetic, aren't I??

Well, it took me an hour to get the 5 things on my list, and I made many side trips down this or that random aisle in search of things. Target is arranged in a way that makes no sense to me. What should have been a simple, straightforward errand was a huge time-sucker and an instant headache. I couldn't find what I needed. There was too much else to look at. I didn't know where anything was, and I kept getting distracted. Plus, there was just too much ground to cover. I had to trek through the entirety of the store and through the grocery area, to get to the pharmacy for a box of friggin' band-aids.

In addition to the aggravation brought on by the sheer size of the store, -and this, I think, is why I got so crabby--I got totally frustrated with myself at the "wants" that kept popping up. If I were a cartoon character, there would have been a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, nudging me along as I shopped. "Did you see that cute swimsuit?" "Look at the kid-sized wheelbarrow! We NEED that!" No, no, no, I kept telling myself. We really don't need brightly colored plastic gardening toys or another cute sunhat for Lucy or a swimsuit for me....um, no. It seemed, down every aisle was something I wanted to buy, something I had to work to talk myself out of. It was absurd. Some were items I would have bought in a heartbeat "before" we started the compact, and others are things I wouldn't have looked twice at. A new, shiny aluminum green coffee cup! An adorable lamp that would fit perfectly in the bedroom! Rustic storage baskets for the kids toys! Stickers! It surprised and aggravated me that there were so many things I wanted to buy. I seriously felt like I was going to scream if I couldn't just buy....something. I wanted stuff, man.

Here I thought I could just go in, get the stuff, and get out, but instead I found myself totally consumed (no pun intended) by this mentally exhausting exercise in self-restraint. Happily, I didn't cave. It took me until today to shake the creepy feeling of -what is it? Desire for unnecessary stuff? I don't know what to call it. But it was totally unexpected, and it freaked me out a little bit.

Free time

Since we are no longer spending our free time "running errands" (read: shopping) we suddenly have the luxury of spending our time doing really fun, necessary or at the very least, interesting things. No time-sucking trip to target, homey d, or any other store to "pick up a few things." Many of the following activities are ones we would have struggled to find time for, prior to freeing up our weekends and evenings by committing to do the Compact:

• travelled to the Mall of America as a family to ride the merry-go-round. And again, and again. and again. (and no, we didn't buy anything)
• attended a chocolate tasting class
• hung out at the central library--a few times
• eaten--and really appreciated new varieties of dark chocolate (this counts, doesn't it?)
• cleaned the bedroom, finally
• sorted and donated the kids clothes that are too small
• re-did our family budget
• attended a cat show (yes, a cat show. If you know Lucy, you understand the magnitude of this experience)
• visited the children's museum
• spent time writing, reading, and sleeping
• started to "re-task" a couple of rooms in the house (again)

OK, so most of these activities aren't life-changing (except maybe the chocolate), but it's really nice to have time together on the weekends to just...hang out. Do stuff. Be a family.

Virtual oranges

Right around the time we took the plunge into doing the Compact, I discovered that one of my favorite grocery stores has an online shopping feature and that they deliver. With two little kids, one of whom has until only recently been colicky as hell, and the other of whom is not entirely patient all the time, getting to the grocery store has been more than a little challenging...either I go and run the risk of the kids having meltdowns while I'm pushing a cartful of food, or I wait until the weekend and leave the kiddos with Dom while I shop. But who wants to spend the weekend hours at the grocery store? Although I generally love food, there are many, much more interesting things I'd rather do on the weekends. Especially on the rare occasion i get an hour or so to myself. So, the discovery of an online shopping feature was a bit exciting for me. Great, I thought. I'll just write up a list with the week's meals, go online and order it up, and kabam, we're done!

Each week, I've been navigating their (very difficult and not-at-all-user-friendly) website to fill my virtual shopping cart with food. This experience has been both good and bad for me. It's nice to be able to get the week's groceries purchased whenever the kids are finally asleep, not to mention having it all hand delivered and carried into my kitchen...but there are definitely trade offs. I have found that even with a meticulously planned list, it's really hard for me to do my grocery shopping online.I blame the website, partially. It's not well-organized and it's hard to get through. I can't seem to do this "shopping" without feeling a little overwhelmed and frustrated.

First, there is a loss of the sensory experience that is kind of weird.I don't know, buying oranges and onions online just feels wrong to me. I can't look at them, can't feel the weight of them in my hands, can't enjoy their glorious colors. I can't smell the fruit, or the herbs, or the potatoes for that matter. I tried getting everything BUT the produce, but then that just means I have to make a trip to the store anyway, so why put myself through the stress of the online experience if I'm just going to have to go shopping anyway? Then, there's the issue of the "virtual" grocery store. it sinply does not work for me. if I can't see it all in front of me, my brain can't track what I have in my cart ,what I need, and the random "whatever" that I happen to see in the store that might look enticing. Oddly enough, the online shopping experience is much more difficult and stressful than just making a trip to the store. For me, grocery shopping is a kinesthetic experience: walking down the aisles of breads and crackers and soups, looking at the packages, the boxes, the shapes and sizes and colors. Wandering up and down through rows of jams and jellies, peanut butter, barbeque sauce. Walking slowly through the coffee and tea aisle to savor the scents. Selecting this or that, trying a new kind of bread or pickle or rice. I can't believe I am saying this, but I kind of miss it!

We are in a food rut to the extreme. Our weekly menu is boring and redundant. If I eat one more veggie burger any time soon, I will scream. Lucy will not eat anything these days. I suspect she's as bored with her culinary horizons as I am. Maybe some in-person impulse buying at the grocery store would be good for the whole family. I'll let you know.